From: Herres@aol.com
Date: Thu, 28 Nov 1996 09:18:24 -0500
To: ULTRA@caligari.Dartmouth.EDU
Subject: Trail Running is better than ...

For your spouse or significant other at the holidays.  I was trying to figure
out how to publish this anonymously, but it occurred to me that my wife knows
and nobody else cares.

Trail Running is better than Sex because:

1)  Sex doesn't last for more than twelve hours at a time.

2)  You can meet new people and develop meaningful relationships during trail
running.

3)  It's easier to explain the injuries.

4)  You can stop to eat during trail runs.

5)  Trails don't get jealous of other trails.

6)  You can freely discuss when, where, and how many friends you were with
when you lost your ultra-virginity.

7)  You actually want to remember when, where, and who ...

8)  The only interesting disease to contract during trail running is
insanity.

9)  It isn't embarrassing when people find out you train alot on your own.

10)  If you need to pee or vomit you can just go off to the side of the
trail.

11)  It confuses the hell out of jealous spouses who can't figure out what
they are jealous of and why it is so much fun.

12)  Nobody tells bad trail running jokes on prime time television.

13)  You don't have to hide your copies of Running Wild and UltraRunning.

14)  You can plan for trail runs months in advance.

15)  You can expect to get in at least four trail runs in a year.

16)  It's good even if your running partner goes too fast for you.

enjoy,

Don Herres
herres@aol.com